A Higher Calling? By Kim

A HIGHER CALLING? By Kim

Since becoming a Housemom at Big Oak Ranch, I have taken on many roles. I am a Mom, mentor, teacher, cook, laundry lady, chauffeur, cheerleader, disciplinarian, referee, hygiene expert-- and the list could go on. However, today, I realized that one unavoidable role seems to grab me, turn me upside down and spit me out. And, I don’t remember it being in the job description. It is a role of the highest order-- the role of sock sorter. Each week, I wash, dry, and sort somewhere between 200-250 socks, almost all of them white (at least they used to be white).

Gathering
Of course, before I tackle the daunting task of sorting white socks for 10 people, I have already dealt with all of those socks in several capacities. The first step is the “gathering of the socks.” Two to three times a week, I will have a load of whites to be bleached which includes all of the dirty, or should I say, DIRTY, or, better yet, VERY DIRTY socks. Ideally, most of these nasty little things should be tucked safely into each boy’s own dirty clothes basket in the laundry room. However, I usually find a pair or two in the den peeking out from underneath the couch, and a pair or two on bedroom or bathroom floors and another pair or two outside of the back door that were dropped there because they were:
A) soaking wet from playing in a puddle or the rain
B) Full of hay or grass from playing in the field
C) Covered in hay or poop from the hog pen
D) I threw them out there because they smelled so bad that they were stinking up the
ENTIRE HOUSE!

One of my rules as “Head Laundry Lady in Charge” is that the socks must not only be in their dirty clothes basket, but, also, already be right-side-out so that I do not have to put MY HAND into their STINKING SOCKS. Many of the boys are beginning to get this down pat. Particularly now, since I have begun attaching a bill to their laundry basket for an allowance deduction if I have to put MY HAND into their STINKING SOCKS.

Actually, as of a couple of weeks ago, we have placed a special “sock pail” in the laundry room that is primed and ready for those STINKING SOCKS. It is full of soapy, deodorized water. Mike suggested this after I threatened to turn in my resignation as Head Laundry Lady in Charge. This was implemented because when you walked into our back door, the odor of those STINKING SOCKS was, at times, overwhelming. So, now, the new rule: All STINKING SOCKS are to be brought downstairs, right-side-out and placed in our new sock pail. This wonderful plan has been a great success. The laundry room no longer smells like the football locker room at school. The only problem now is that the pail is heavy (as well as filthy) and carrying it with a broken toe proves difficult. Another problem has been that this pail sits next to the garbage can and, well, it’s a long story that involves spilled, swept up grated cheese that was accidentally put into the wrong pail—but that story is for another day.


Washing
So, now on to step two, the “washing of the socks”. The other problem that I have found with my new sock pail is that now I have to gather them up out of the badly polluted water to put them into the machine. The first day, I just poured the entire contents of the bucket into the machine, but I determined that trying to wash them with that much dirty water probably wasn’t going to get them as clean as I wanted and I ran the risk of an EPA citation—so now I just fish them out, plop them into the machine, run and wash my hands with anti-bacterial soap, dump the dirty water outside, come back in and start the “washing” phase. Easy enough!

Drying
Then, of course, is the simple next step, the “drying of the socks”. This comes after one, sometimes two and, rarely, but it has happened, three complete washing cycles. I just open up the washer, grab them out by the handfuls and toss them into the dryer. This very easy phase gives me a little break before the next big phase—the ‘SORTING OF THE SOCKS”.

Sorting
As I said, there are ten of us living here, most of whom have extracurricular activities that require other socks, so two to three times a week this phase starts out with a basket full of 100-120 various socks. Now, if it has been a particularly busy week for me and the basket ends up having two loads of freshly washed socks, we are talking 200+ individual socks to be paired up and distributed to the “clean shelf” in each boy’s cubby.

Have you ever thought about how much a person’s socks can tell you about that person?
For example, today as I was sorting and folding I thought about each of the boys who had worn them and how much their socks were indicative of that particular boy’s personality. One boy ended up with 5 pairs and 5 unmatched socks. He’s a little unorganized and scatter-brained. One boy had all of his matching and they were in good shape. One boy (actually two of them) had stained socks that were worn out on the bottom (even some holes) because they wear them outside without their shoes all the time. Yes, of course, I have told them not to do that, but, guess what? They are teenagers and they do it anyway.

Last week, we had one boy tell his grandmother that he was soaking his feet because I make them do that when their feet begin to smell (sometimes it is so bad that the room empties when they enter). He told her the reason his feet stank was because he had been wearing the same socks for several days. She asked “Why?” and he told her he didn’t have any clean socks because his house brothers take all of his clean socks out of his cubby and wear them. (Now, he is one of those who has the stained, holey ones--so if they were really taking socks, I think they would take from someone who keeps his socks in better shape.) Anyway, the next day, I was in his room and discovered under HIS bed, 6 pair—yes, 12 total—dirty socks. Then, I found 5 pair folded up and put in the wrong drawers (they put up their clean laundry, not me) and then a 12th and final pair in his suitcase, dirty. What does that tell you about this boy?
(I love him anyway). I made him call his grandmother and explain what REALLY happened with his socks so she wouldn’t think he was being mistreated.

Well, the basket is full and the sorting begins. Ten different piles are started according to the initial written on the toe or the style of the sock. Actually, there is an eleventh pile—the ones that have no initial or the wrong initials (someone from another house was hanging out here). And so it goes. The piles. Matching them within the individual piles. Folding. And putting the right ones on the right “clean” shelf.

The Higher Calling
So God, is this it? Is this my “higher calling”?

I guess I always thought His call on my life might be something more than “sock sorter.” And, maybe it is. Because, in addition to the thankless task of providing clean, matching, fresh-smelling socks for the athlete, the “romeo” and the “cool dude,” I know that my boys have a Mom that they can always depend on (sometimes for the first time in their lives) to provide clean socks, bake a birthday cake, nurse a fever, bandage a cut, or
to give a warm hug (just because).

A “higher calling,” yes, I believe there is such a thing.

It is the “calling” of “Mom, I’m home, where are you?” by one of ten different children, three of whom I birthed and have raised since they were born, and seven of whom God has placed under my care, to be their “Mom”, stinky socks and all!

Kim Perkins
March 17, 2008

Winter, Part 2

The Beard

Last summer, Mike decided to “let it all hang out” and let his beard grow.  Sort of a Fu Manchu/Van Dyke/hockey guy look but very salt and pepper looking.  Most of our boys came to our home after Mike grew the beard.  In mid-January, Mike got overzealous with his beard trimming and cut a big gap in it.  Caught up in the momentum, he decided to shave it all off-- beard, mustache, everything.  After all, he had been clean-shaven for over 25 years.  No big deal, right?  Kim did not like the clean look at all and told him it made his face look fatter.  Alex made fun of him for having a double-chin.  The boys really freaked out and told him they didn’t recognize him. “Who IS this guy?”  Funny, Mike has gone almost his entire life without a beard but the boys only knew him with a beard.  It became very clear to us how much they have enjoyed the familiarity and predictability of the past several months and how unsettling it is even when minor change occurs in our new family.  Oh yes, the beard is now back.  This time fuller and grayer than before.  For the boys, “Pop” is “back to normal.”

 

Baseball

Baseball practices are in full swing and games start next week.  Steven will be playing Varsity (as a pinch runner) and Varsity B.   Alex and Deundrea will be playing Junior High ball.  Looks like Alex will play short, second and pitcher, while Deundrea and Steven will play outfield.  Did I mention how fast those two are???  Both could be running track but chose baseball instead.  While they are not great hitters, if they get on base, they are virtually unstoppable.  For Alex, this year is his first year playing “school ball.”  Gone are the great days at Bill Bond Park in Pensacola and Coosa League in Gadsden.  The baselines are expanded from 60 and 70 feet to 90 feet.  The back edge of the infield is a long way back.  Base hits will not come easy. Homeruns are out of the question (at least until he gets a lot stronger).  A major transition!  We’ll miss the excitement and camaraderie of little league but like the idea of his practicing and playing games right after school at the school field (logistics are a major challenge these days).  And, we do have great school spirit at Westbrook. 

 

Alex, Andrew and Haley

Alex really loves life at the Ranch and at Westbrook.  He is able to cross the invisible class line (their making) and fits in well with the “ranch kids” (their term) and with the “rich kids” (“ranch kids’” term) at school.  He is a true leader (he’s broken up more than a couple of arguments and fights) and continues to make straight “A’s” on his report card.  He loves to play pick-up basketball in our driveway, at school and at the ranch gym whenever he has a spare moment.  Basketball is a great “social-leveler.”  It doesn’t hurt that he’s good at it.   He will most likely end up playing high school basketball next year (he’ll be in 8th grade—hope he grows a lot before then).   Alex is a committed Christian and he shares his faith daily through his example.

 

Andrew and Haley continue to do well in school.  Haley just learned she “made the cut” and was one of 25 students (from a couple of hundred applicants) accepted into the education major program at Auburn.  Andrew is on the downhill side of his second year of law school at Cumberland in Birmingham.  He is actively looking for lucrative (my term) summer employment in Birmingham or Pensacola.  They both come to the ranch when they have “off weekends” and enjoy being with the boys.  The boys love them and get very excited when they announce their plans to visit.  Most of them call Haley “their sister.” 

 

David Woods, Rick Davis and Big Time Politics

Many of you know Mike’s childhood friend, David Woods.  David’s dad, Charles, was a great inspiration to Mike in his formative years.  Mike worked his first political campaign in the 6th grade hanging “Charles Woods for Lt. Governor” signs.  Still think he should have won.  David has decided to run for Congress for the 2nd District of Alabama (Dothan to Prattville).  We think he will win.  David has been an outstanding family, church and business leader.  David, Donna and their kids, David, Drew and Dana are like family to us.  David has helped inspire Mike in his spiritual journey and theyregularly encourage each other in their Christian walk.  We are proud of David and know that he will be an outstanding Congressman. He will bring Christian character and sound business judgment to a government that badly needs both. 

 

Rick Davis was a fraternity brother at Alabama and “running buddy” when Mike lived in Washington.  If you haven’t heard the “Hey butt head” story, ask Mike or Rick (It had to do with Mike calling Rick when he moved to D.C., Rick’s dad answering the phone sounding a lot like Rick, Mike’s warm greeting to him, and the embarrassment that followed.).  Rick is THE national campaign manager for John McCain.  Despite anything you may have may have read or heard in the media, Rick is a consummate professional, a dedicated conservative Republican and a winner.  McCain has to be a smart guy to have picked Rick as his closest advisor.  If McCain wins, Rick deserves (and will get) great credit.  He has hung with McCain since the late 90’s and has remained loyal through many trials and tribulations in two presidential campaigns. He and Karen have been great friends to us over the years and we wish him the very best.   Who knows, maybe the boys can get to go visit the White House!

 

Winding Up

I know this has been a long entry but there’s a lot to tell (and so much more…).  Very rarely do we have the luxury of getting to sit down, reflect and write (this entry was written in installments, mostly this Monday morning after the kids got on the bus).  When we do, it is usually for “contact sheet” behavioral reports on the boys.  But, since so many of you are a part of ourministry, we do want to continue to share some of the happenings and some of the emotions that we experience at our home and Big Oak Ranch. 

 

Many of you have encouraged us to keep sharing with you and have continuously lifted us up in your thoughts and prayers.  We appreciate you!  We are pretty isolated/consumed in our life here and you cannot imagine how much we enjoy hearing from you.  Keep the emails and letters coming! 

 

The prayers and encouragement of our friends and family, along with the unwavering truth of God’s Word, give us the strength and desire to keep going each day.  Thanks! 

 

Mike, Kim, Alex, Andrew, Haley, Steven, Nic, Steven, Bryan, Jordan, Deundrea, Aaron

 

Winter '08

Christmas Chaos, Hog Poop, Broken Toes, Beards, Baseball, Kids, Politics and More

 

Christmas

Christmas came and went like a blur.  The weeks leading up to Christmas and Christmas Day itself were absolutely crazy.  We had basketball games, one term paper, 2 science fair projects, 3 doing Presidential Election Scrapbooks, meetings, parties, and home inspections, not to mention several full days of shopping for 10 kids, a spouse, teachers, and extended family.  I think we went to bed about 3:00 a.m. on Christmas Eve (Kim likes to set out all the presents as if they were a window display at Macy’s) and got up at 6:00.  Check out the picture of all the kids huddled at the top of the stairs begging “Can we please come down now?”  Priceless!

For most of our kids, it was the “Best Christmas ever.”  As for us, the reality of “it’s not about us” hit us like a brick. Christmas is just a lot different for us than it used to be.  The intimacy and peacefulness of our small family gathering is gone and replaced by, well, to put in bluntly--- Chaos.  I guess this is what it was like for the Brady Bunch.  We have carried over some of our old traditions.  Some will just have to wait until our work here is finished.  But, seeing the joy on the boys’ faces as they opened their presents made it all worthwhile. Many have never had a “normal” Christmas and this is about as close as they will get. Around noon on Christmas Day, the kids went on “family visits” (visits with relatives or “resource families”) for a week and we headed to Midland City for “second Christmas” with Kim’s family.  We were physicallyand emotionally exhausted.  I am sure we were a lot of fun for the rest of the family.  It took several days to recover from the sleep deprivation and the demands and intensity of the schedule of the previous weeks.  Then, on to Pensacola for visits with friends.  Thanks again to Dale and Sheila Moore for turning their home over to us (and to Brenda Glasser for putting Dale, Sheila and Chandler up at her beach condo), to Jerry Mistretta, our Sunday School friends and Louis and Patti McMilion for their “million dollar meals.”    

 

We came back refreshed and ready to tackle the new semester at school.  The boys are in full swing with school, sports and other activities.  Alex, Steven and Deundrea finished strong in basketball and went straight to baseball (practicing the very day after basketball season ended). Nic is preparing for a horse show/rodeo in the Spring.   “Bubba” is working out daily in the hopes of making the basketball team next year.  Nights are packed with ballgames, homework and chores.  It seems like as soon as our heads hit the pillow, it’s time to get up and go again.  If you have read our “typical day” schedule, you know this to be true. 

 

Hog Poop

This month, our family has been assigned the “hog pen” for our family ranch duty.  That means we have to clean the hog pen and feed the twelve hogs every day.  It is amazing how much poop twelve hogs can produce in one day!  About a (big) wheelbarrow load.  And, if you have ever smelled hog poop, you will understand just how miserable this chore is.  No lawyer jokes, please!  The stench is unbearable for the first 30 minutes, then you sort of get used to it.  However, it follows you home in your clothes and shoes.  Then the whole house carries an aroma….   

 

Kim just started a load of clothes that has a combination of hog poop and mud, along with some wet, sour ones from a boy who “accidentally” fell in a pool this weekend at a birthday party. 

 

For the first few days, our entire group (minus Kim) went to the hog pen and scraped out all the waste.  It was quite amusing to watch Alex shoveling hog poop into the wheelbarrow.  He was so worried about getting some on his hands.  Most of the time his hands were covering his nose…  Fortunately for most, we have a few boys who tend to get in trouble at school and home on a regular basis.  So, as their “reward”, they take over the hog pen duties from those who are behaving as they should.  I guess having a few misfits is not such a bad thing!   In fact, some of our guys are so wired for mischief, we now have a full month’s hog duty roster all lined up. 

 

Hog Shots

In addition to the maintenance issues, we are also responsible for anything else related to the hogs.  The ranch was given a couple ofsmall boars.  The first day they were in the pen, the older, larger sows beat them up pretty badly.  We finally had to separate them.  One of the boars was pretty badly beat up.  His eyes were swollen shut and he had wounds all over.  He was barely eating and became very frail and lethargic.  Mike found him one morning partially buried in the hay with his “brother boar” laying next to him licking his wounds and nudging him to get up.   When Mike approached him, brother boar tried to protect him by grunting at Mike and acting as if he were going to bite him.  The vet was summoned and he prescribed daily antibiotic shots and eye ointment.  

Guess who got to give the daily shots and rub the ointment in his eyes?  Dr. Mike, of course…   No lawyer jokes, please!  So, for about ten days, Mike and one of the boys would go to the hog pen to give the sick boar his shot and ointment.  The boy would ward off brother boar while Mike would give the sick guy his shot and make an attempt to rub the ointment in his eyes.  Amazing how loudly a sick hog can squeal when a 3 inch needle is jammed into his hind quarter!  The first day, Mike and one of the boys held the boar while Mike gave the shot.  The hog squirmed free and the needle broke off in his hind quarter just as the medication went in.  Fortunately, Mike was able to chase the hog down and retrieve it.  The next day, Mike and one of the more swarthy housedads did the job.  It was quite a comical scene as the hog squirmed and squealed.  Brother boar gave the other housedad a nip on the ankle just to let him know he didn’t appreciate our messing with his bud.  Finally, Mike learned that holding the hog partially in the air by his hind leg puts him into sort of a trance and the shot is easily administered without squirming and squealing!  A simple one man job—as long as someone else warded off “brother boar.”   After a few days, the sick boar seemed to be doing better.  Then, the weather turned real cold and one Saturday afternoon, one of the boys checked on him and reported to us that the sick boar was dead.  Mike found him buried under the hay with his brother boar guarding his body.  Mike had the grim task of removing the body.   No lawyer jokes, please!

 

Boys and Hogs

It’s a gross analogy but our boys are kind of like those hogs (and I’m not referring to their eating habits or smell—though I could).   Some are strong, some are weak.  Some get picked on by the bigger, stronger ones.  Some can take it, some can’t.  They need our help and we try our best to provide it.   Sometimes they let us, sometimes they fight us.  They know they need what we offer but they often resist out of instinct. When the chips are down, they do take care of each other and nudge each other along.  It’s their survival instinct that has been finally honed over the years before they got here.  Though they are of different ages, races and backgrounds, there is a sense of brotherhood that comes from their histories, social status and being “brothers” at the ranch.  They jokingly refer to each other as “ranch kid.” 

 

In the end, some make it, some don’t.  Last week, a boy from another home was discharged from the ranch.  He had a vibrant spirit, good intelligence and great potential.  He was a cross between the Mel Gibson (in one of his manic roles) and Robin Williams.  But he was like a horse that couldn’t be broken (keeping with the ranch analogies).  No matter what our staff did for him at the ranch and at school, he bucked and bucked and bucked.  Pink slip after pink slip at school, continuous trouble at his home and then, the final straw, he began to drag his more innocent housebrothers into his misdeeds and his house was cast into chaos.  So much wit and energy—if only it could be channeled in the right direction.  Finally, he wore out his handlers.  Some boys are so far along on the wrong path that our best efforts are just not enough to turn them.  Sometimes we have to let one boy go in order to save several others and to give a chance to another boy who needs that bed.   That is one of the most painful parts of this job.  But, it was the right thing to do.  We pray that God will help him find a place and enough self-discipline to make it.

 

Kim’s Poor Toe

To add to the challenge of daily life, Kim is now sporting a broken “pinkie toe.”  She accidentally kicked the very hard edge of a coffee table in our den.  She likes to tell people she was trying to kick one of our more mischievousboys in the behind but that is not true.  They were all at school.  X-rays show it is a clean total break at the base of the toe.  There is not much you can do for a broken toe except to put your foot up and allow it to recover.  That is basically impossible to do here.   So, she limped around on crutches for a couple of days, doing laundry, cooking meals, cleaning up and eagerly anticipating the weekend.  We were supposed to be off for the weekend but our “relief family” (volunteer couples who come and stay with the boys for the weekend) caught the flu at the last minute and we were not able to timely draft a replacement.  So, Mike sent Kim to the “Retreat Home” for the weekend while he hosted a “boys’ weekend.”  They played basketball, video games and went bowling.  They ate out far more than they should have.  Mike somehow managed to retain his sanity.  On Sunday evening, Kim returned home rested but still having difficulty walking.  The boys have really supported her by assisting her, offering prayers for her, helping with meals and frequently asking her how she is doing.  Despite a fun boys weekend, they really missed having her around.  They kept asking “when is Mom coming back?”  They think Kim is “cool” (and Mike is “old”- though he can still whip most of them in basketball) and they really like having a “Mom.”  As we have mentioned before, about half our boys have grown up without a mothers’ presence in their lives—something most of us cannot fathom.  Thank God for grandparents and other relatives who have pitched in to try to fill an unfillable void.   And, thank God for John Croyle’s vision and commitment to building and running Big Oak Ranch.  We’ll really be off this next weekend and, hopefully, Kim’s toe can continue to mend.  And we need some “quiet time” together without someone screaming “Mom” or “Pop” every few minutes. 

 

 CONTINUED ON NEXT ENTRY, WINTER PART 2

New Pictures

Getting Ready for Christmas at the Ranch

 

All I really want for Christmas is someone to tuck me in
A shoulder to cry on if I lose, shoulders to ride on if I win
There's so much I could ask for, but there's just one thing I need
All I really want for Christmas is a family.  Steven Curtis Chapman song.

 

It’s December 5th.  Yesterday, it was August 5th.  Christmas is upon us.  The boys are in the heat of school projects, tests, basketball season, and holiday spirit (some good, some not so).  Kim and I are trying to round up all our decorations from “the shed”, the attic and who knows where.  Our most special keepsake ornaments will remain in storage at Joy and Jimmy’s house—too many things tend to get accidentally broken in a house with eight boys.

 

Thanksgiving was great this year. We started off with two days of camping at Oak Mountain State Park.  That was the first real camping trip for each of our boys.  Kim and Haley even stayed one night (spent the other at Joy’s house).  A lot of work but well worth it.  Three of us hiked to the top of Oak Mountain.  Then, a wonderful Thanksgiving feast at Joy and Jimmy’s.  All of Kim’s family was there at some point during the day. The boys were on best behavior and none wanted to leave when it was time to go. No accidents that required us to spend the day in the ER (like Mike and one boy did last year). 

 

Monday was “houseparents’ shopping day.”  The ranch staff kept all the boys after school and into the evening so that houseparents could do their Christmas shopping.  We shopped from 9:00 a.m. until 8:00 p.m.  I think we hit eight stores looking for everything from electronics to sportswear to toys.  Most were sold out of what we needed until we hit the jackpot at Best Buy.  Wish we would have gone there first…  Buying for 10 kids (including Andrew and Haley) is a true adventure. 

 

Dinner in the car as we rushed to get back to the ranch by the 8:00 deadline.  We purchased all the “big items.” Another day should do it except for stocking stuffers and those “last minute” items.

 

Kim’s sister, Joy, donated some toys from Finn’s playroom.  We took some to the ranch shed and kept a few for our nine year-old to play with.  He didn’t have a lot of toys.  He literally squealed with excitement—“This is so-o-o-o much fun!”  He almost missed dinner for playing.

 

Yesterday, the boys assembled our first-ever artificial tree.  Last year’s “real tree” made such a mess on the carpet (we’re still pulling out droppings) that we decided to give in to the lure of simplicity. The boys seem just as excited though…

 

We recently obtained an old piano.  Very out of tune.  Nonetheless, the boys have really enjoyed picking out Christmas carols.  Sometimes, they argue over playing time.  Kim put taped labels on the keys and identified the notes by pencil in the songbooks.  They like “Silent Night” and “Deck the Halls.”  More practice would be good…

 

This weekend, we’ll decorate and watch Christmas movies.  Surprisingly, for teen-aged boys, they are looking very forward to it.  We have that giant 12 ft. snowman they can’t wait to inflate. 

 

School gets out on the 19th.   Keeping the holidays filled with constructive things to do is always a challenge. We have decided to donate some time over the holidays serving food at the local soup kitchen.  It will be a good experience for the boys to be on the “giving end” of things. 

 

Three of our boys are starters on the Junior High “A” basketball team.  Alex is the only 7th grader on the team and is one of the top scorers. He loves basketball above all other sports.  It is fun watching all three of our boys on the court at the same time.  They all excel in different ways.  The other boys like to go to the games and cheer them on.  They also love harassing them when they make mistakes.

 

Andrew is in the midst of finals at Cumberland (half-way through law school now) and Haley is preparing for hers at Auburn.  She has changed majors to Elementary Education. ("I’ve really always wanted to teach”). Teaching is a great profession.  We truly want her to go where her  heart leads her.  They’ll both come to stay over the holidays.  The boys really enjoy having them here and treat them as “real” brother and sister.  They’ll also spend some time with friends in Pensacola.

 

On Christmas day, most of the boys will leave at noon to go stay with extended family or “resource family” for a week.  We will travel to Midland City and Pensacola to visit family and friends.  We’re still trying to work out a holiday or January-February trip to visit Mike’s family in Tampa.  Can’t wait to see everyone!   

 

Holidays are very tough times for the boys.  While there is a lot of activity and excitement, there is also a lot of pain as they think back to Christmases past.  Sometimes those are sad thoughts, sometimes happy (then usually accompanied by longing for the times when things were “normal” in their lives).   Nonetheless, the hurt surfaces and often takes the form of words or conduct that hurts others.  We try our best to address it but only a true “turning over” to God will take the hurt away.  That is what we try to teach them.  Some are doing that.  Others are hanging on, even if it is painful…

 

John Croyle recentlyreminded us that we are all TBTW-- Too Blessed to Whine.  Amen.

 

We wish you and your family a wonderful Christmas.  

 

Mike, Kim, Alex, Haley, Andrew, Steven, Jordan, Nic, Steven, Bryan, Deundrea, and Aaron. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All I really Want for Christmas..  Steven Curtis Chapman

Well, I don't know if you remember me or not
I'm one of the kids they brought in from the home
I was the red-haired boy in an old, green flannel shirt
You may not have seen me, I was standing off alone

I didn't come and talk to you 'cause that's never worked before
And you'll probably never see this letter, anyway
But just in case there's something you can do to help me out
I'll ask you one more time

All I really want for Christmas is someone to tuck me in
A shoulder to cry on if I lose, shoulders to ride on if I win
There's so much I could ask for, but there's just one thing I need
All I really want for Christmas is a family

Well, I guess I should go ahead and tell you now
If it's really true about that list you have
Somehow I always seem to end up in a fight
But I'm really trying hard not to be bad

But maybe if I had a brother or a dad to wrestle with
Maybe they could teach me how to get along
And from everything I've heard, it sounds like the greatest gift on earth
Would be a mom

All I want for Christmas is someone who'll be here
To sing me happy birthday for the next 100 years
And It's okay if they're not perfect or even if they're a little broken
That's alright, 'Cause so am I

Well, I guess I should go, it's almost time for bed
Maybe next time I write you I'll be at home

`Cause all I really want for Christmas is someone to tuck me in
Tell me I'll never be alone, someone whose love will never end
Of all that I could ask for, well, there's just one thing I need
All I really want for Christmas is a family

Kindred Spirits

KINDRED SPIRITS

Yesterday was an absolutely gorgeous Fall day. There was a cool, gentle breeze and every now and then you could see a gold or brown leaf floating lazily to the ground.
Everyone wanted to be outside—this is the perfect time of year to me! Fall has arrived and I love it.

A friend whose son plays baseball with Alex came over to our house to provide haircuts for our boys. She comes to the ranch every few weeks and provides haircuts for $5. It is such a blessing for us for two reasons. Trying to fit haircuts for 10 into an extremely busy schedule is difficult…. and expensive, too! (Ten times anything is a lot!) It’s great for her, too, because she is a single mom and can use the extra money. A couple of the other housemoms brought some of their boys over for haircuts as well. In all, I think she cut about 17 heads last night.

So needless to say, as seems to be the case for us wherever we are, we had a revolving door going on with kids coming in and out for haircuts, stopping to visit with friends, hanging around in the driveway shooting hoops, adults chatting, etc.

This day is, also, the end of what we call “Home Visit Weekend”. Many of the kids at the Ranch had gone “home” or to visit other relatives for the weekend. This happens a couple of times during the year. The children go to Grandma’s or Aunt’s or a family friend, etc. and just have a chance to be part of their family (if that is a possibility). For some, that is not an option and they stay here at the Ranch.

Anyway, the kids who had been gone for the weekend began coming home. This usually isn’t much of a big deal. Most actually seem ready to come back to their ranch home and the security and stability that they receive here. However, we now have the youngest boy we’ve had in our home (a small 9 year old, weighing in at 50 pounds) and things would prove to be a little different this time.

Mike and I were both in the house chatting with one of the other housemoms who was here with her boys for haircuts (actually the boys had already left, but she was just hanging out, visiting, enjoying the party). Mike looked at me and said, “Uh-oh, I think we may be needed outside”. He heard “Littleman”, as we sometimes call our 9 year old, wailing. We hastened out the back door and sure enough, there he was clinging to his daddy, not wanting to let him go. We are talking gigantic crocodile tears accompanied by red, puffy eyes—REAL tears, not the contrived ones we have seen from time to time used in an effort to gain attention or a break from discipline.

He turned to us and said that he didn’t want to have to leave his mommy (back at the hospital) or his daddy now. He was truly heartbroken. I reached out to him and he came and clung to me with all of his might, sobbing (Thank you, God, that we did not have to pry him off of his daddy). Boy, talk about taking your breath away. Of course, this was hard for his dad, too. Probably, the hardest thing a loving dad could ever have to do and he IS a very loving dad. He hugged him goodbye a couple of more times and then had to turn and leave.

Meanwhile, the revolving door is still revolving. Someone is sitting on the steps waiting his turn for a haircut, a few are playing basketball, etc. There is one boy standing nearby who seems to be really taking all of this in. He is a high school senior, tough-guy, awesome football player who has been at the Ranch for five years. Did I say tough-guy? I don’t mean one of those tough-guy, gentle giant types—I mean tough as in steel (cold, hard steel—that doesn’t bend or break)! He’s been hardened by a tough past and it’s actually a miracle of God that he is still at the Ranch. For some reason, he is one of those boys you don’t want to give up on, no matter how many times he has been in trouble, fights, etc. I’ve had a special place in my heart for him since the very first day that we came to visit Big Oak Ranch.

As things began to settle down a bit, Mike went back inside to keep the haircut rotation going and I continued standing with “Littleman” just hugging and talking. The tough guy walks over to us and puts his arms around both of us and looks down so gently and says, “You okay there, little man?” The three of us stood there hugging for a long couple of minutes as the breeze blew gently around us and a leaf or two fell to the ground. Not much was said, but I felt that those two kindred spirits bonded in a way that few of us can really understand.

Maybe, just maybe, a new season has begun in more than one way.

Lord, I pray for Littleman (and his Daddy)
and Tough Guy
and all of the broken hearts at Big Oak Ranch.

Late Summer Update- Finally!

Holy Cow!  Here it is the end of August and we are just now giving a summer update.  Guess that indicates that our summer was a little busy…   It was!  Going into the summer, we were worried about what we would do with “all that spare time” and the “boys being out of school.”  Well, summer school, football workouts, basketball workouts and summer baseball quickly took care of that.  Before we knew it, it was time for our annual Panama City Beach trip.  Then, back to school. 

 

OUR FAMILY GROWS

Our family has gone through more changes since our last update.  Patrick has left the ranch and we have added Bryan and brothers, Steve and Aaron.  Our three new boys have brought much joy, laughter and love to our lives.  We now have seven boys!  Alex (13), Nic (13), Steven (15), Jordan (14), Bryan (15), Steve (15) and Aaron (9).  The boys are getting along quite well (with usual sibling skirmishes) and we really feel like our house is “stabilizing” and “maturing” in many ways.  The boys are very good at taking care of Aaron, although they do love to pick on him (because he’s so darn expressive). 

 

SUMMER ACTIVITIES

Some of the things we did get to do this summer--- swimming in the ranch pool, swimming/canoeing in the lake at the Girl’s ranch, jumping off cliffs at Little River Canyon, lots of baseball tournaments, “slippy sliding”, going bowling and skating, visiting “Aunt Joy and Uncle Jimmy’s house” and watching a lot of movies at home when it was too hot to do anything else.  Our boys attended Student Life Camp and several participated in mission activities at a Chattanooga inner-city nursing home. We were also blessed by visits from Peter McMilion, “Cousin Cissy” and family, Mike’s brother David and family, and the Moores and Merritts from Pensacola.  Andrew brought Jeremy Jenkins and Haley brought her friend Whitney to visit.

 

LOVE AND LOSS

Steven’s mom had not been able to visit him at the ranch due to health challenges.   So, for his 15th birthday, in conjunction with our trip to Pensacola, we were able to arrange a surprise birthday reunion for Steven, his twin brother Stephan, and their mother, Glenda, at Lambert’s “House of Throwed Rolls” in Foley.  That was July 18th.  On July 31st, their mother passed away resting in the knowledge that her baby boys were happy, well taken care of and succeeding at Big Oak Ranch.  We were blessed to be able to travel to Mobile and share in the celebration of her life with Steven’s nine brothers and sisters and extended family.   Since that time, Steven has truly embraced us and Big Oak Ranch as his home.   God’s timing and ways continue to amaze us.   Thanks to Carol and Marty Norden for their help in making the reunion possible and for their hospitality while we were in Mobile.  For the past year and a half, they have gone above and beyond to help minister to these boys and their entire family. 

 

PENSACOLA TRIP

The highlight of the summer was our trip to Pensacola Beach.  There, our friends Greg and Tara Woodfin generously provided us a place to stay at the beach; Dale, Sheila and Chandler Moore took us deep sea fishing and to the Blue Angels show on Reel Grace.; Jerry Mistretta fed us a great Cajun meal, Steve and Cindy Smith took us tubing and boat riding, Cindy Smith and Sheila Moore stocked our kitchen with all types of goodies; Patti and Louis McMilion hosted us at their pool and fed us like kings; Walter Pierce treated us to a morning at Portofino Resort; and Greg and Joy Hodges provided us with a cooler-load of fresh, filleted snapper and trigger fish.  Dale Moore (the party planner) coordinated all of this. What a great group of friends!  Needless to say, the boys (and the Perkins) had a blast.  They have been talking about it all summer and asking “when are we going back to Pensacola?”  They even asked if it was possible to move the boys ranch to Pensacola Beach.   We told them they would have to take that up with John Croyle.   

 

MIDLAND CITY/PANAMA CITY

Just two weeks after our Pensacola trip, we were packing up again for a 10 day trip to Midland City to stay a couple of days with Mimi and Papa, and then a week at Panama City Beach for a retreat with the entire boys and girls ranch.  We also got to stay a couple of days at Aunt Joy and Uncle Jimmy’s beach condo.  We did everything from riding four wheelers and shooting shotguns at the farm, to visiting Sylvan Grove Methodist Church and having dinner at “Aunt Jill and Uncle Scotts”,  to playing volleyball, riding go karts and water slides at the beach.  There were 202 ranch children and staff members at the beach retreat!  A great time was had by all.  At the end of if all, Mom and Pop Perkins were wiped out and ready for school to start.

 

BACK TO SCHOOL

School started on August 15th and the boys are back in their school routine.   All of them have started strong academically.   Steven made the highest grade he’s ever made on a recent physical science test, and Aaron memorizes Bible verses like the days of the week.  Alex loves being in Mid High where he can attend “High School Chapel” on Fridays.  We are finally catching up with all the things that fell through the cracks while the boys were at home and while we were traveling.  It promises to be a very busy Fall.  We have four boys playing JV Football (Bryan, Steven, Jordan and Nic), Steven is also in the “Drumline”.  Alex is playing travel baseball with at least one weekend tournament a month.  That means we will be attending two football games a week and a lot of baseball games.  Once football is over, Alex and Steven will be playing school basketball, then baseball. 

 

Coordinating the schedules, academics, meals, clothing and medical care for seven boys keeps our heads spinning.  We have one “off weekend” per month and when it comes, we are ready!  In fact, we sort of pass out…  Mike just turned 50 and Kim turns 50 on September 25th, so we have to dig deep to find the energy to keep up with all these teenagers.

 

ANDREW, HALEY AND ALEX

Andrew is back in school for his second year at Cumberland School of Law.   He will continue to work part-time for the Cochran Firm in Birmingham.  We were blessed to be able to visit with him several times this summer.  Haley spent the summer waitressing at Landry’s in Pensacola and is now back for her Junior year at Auburn (technically, she is a second semester Junior).  We were pleased to hear that David and Donna Woods’ daughter, Dana, pledged Alpha Gamma Delta and will be Haley’s sorority sister.  Too cool! Lots of other friends with kids going to Auburn this year.  Should be a fun time for all of them.  Haley was recently blessed to be invited to join a very select accounting honorary that should open a lot of job opportunities for her.  She is a Marketing major, but has done quite well in a number of accounting courses.  Apparently, all of the major CPA firms and large businesses use this honorary as a recruiting vehicle.   Haley continues to express an interest in teaching—so it will be interesting to see what transpires over the next year.  Alex continues to excel in school and is VP of the Mid High SGA at Westbrook.  His baseball team won the championship for the Coosa Cal Ripken League and he played shortstop, center field and pitcher for the All Star Team.  They finished third in the state tournament (although we had the talent to beat every team there, we were tripped up by a superstar pitcher in single elimination finals).  Now, it is on to travel baseball and getting ready for basketball season.  He was fortunate to be selected for the Mid High “A” team and is the only seventh grader on that team.  He decided to bypass football this Fall so he can work on his basketball skills in the afternoons. 

 

OUR MINISTRY AT BIG OAK

This ministry has proven to be the most challenging thing we have every done.  It stretches our energy, our patience, our sense of humor and our parenting skills.  We miss our friends and family a great deal and particularly miss the flexibility of being able to travel and visit “at will.”  But, this is a God-blessed place and program, and the school is first rate!  We continue to be blessed by the knowledge that we are serving God’s children and helping our boys learn how Godly young men should act, to stay alcohol and drug free, and to be healthy, well-fed and well-educated.  Things that most of us take for granted.  Sometimes, it is a thankless task.   The boys’ “love tanks” have often been drained or stopped up.  But, we are now starting to see and experience some of the fruits.   Increased health, better hygiene, academic progress (and stability), healthier meals, good, clean fun, better manners, occasional hugs and “thanks.” 

 

ENDLESS LOVE

God answers prayers when we least expect it.  On Mike’s birthday eve, we were blessed to receive Aaron and Steve into our home.  These young men are truly grateful for everything they have been given here.  “Wow, my own bed”; “These are the nicest clothes I have ever had;”  “I love my glasses- I can really see now.”  Aaron is absolutely full of love.  He has hugs and kisses for everyone.  He cried his first day of school because “I miss my housepop.”  His nightly prayers start off with “Thanks for Mom and Pop, for my housebrothers and for my teachers.”  Although his boundless energy can be exhausting, his endless love energizes even the most weary.  Just what we needed, just when we needed it most.   We are most blessed by his presence.

 

PRAY, CALL AND WRITE

We don’t have the time or flexibility to travel and stay in touch with our friends and family as much as we would like.  That is the truly the toughest part of this ministry.  So, we have to count on you to call and visit.  We always have room and time for visitors.  We love to “show off” our boys, our home and the Big Oak Ranch.  We love receiving phone calls, letter and emails.  You cannot imagine how encouraging they are to us.  Also, our boys love meeting our friends and family.   It helps them to appreciate the importance of developing and nurturing close, lifelong relationships.  We mostly appreciate your prayers.  Please pray for our energy, for our health, for our wisdom and perseverance.   Please pray for our boys and for Andrew, Haley and Alex.    

Our email addresses are cphmap@aol.com and kimperky@aol.com.

 

Thanks and come see us.  

Mike, Kim, Alex, Nic, Steven, Jordan, Bryan, Steve and Aaron

 

Spring Update from our Family

Wow- How time flies!  We have been at Big Oak Ranch over eight months now.  We really enjoyed the wonderful winter weather-- and hoped it would last a while longer-- when, all of a sudden, the robins are back, the dogwoods are blooming, and the grass is turning green again. The pollen is thick in the air and our allergies are driving us crazy. That's okay because Spring brings a certain "feel" of excitement, new beginnings, fresh air and growth. 

While our family continues to experience changes, some of our boys have been with us long enough that they are starting to feel like this is truly their home. Patrick joined us last November. Nic and Steven came shortly afterward.  Tim left the ranch in February and is hoping to enter the Job Corp.  He is a very loving young man and we wish him much success as he seeks to learn a trade and enhance his life experience.  In March, Jordan joined us-- just in time for Spring Break!  Jordan is 13 and in the 7th grade.  Our family now consists of Steven (14; 7th grade), Patrick (14; 7th grade), Jordan, Nic (13; 6th grade) and Alex (12; 6th grade).  Five teen-aged boys; not many dull moments around here! 

Steven, Nic and Patrick recently made decisions to renew their spiritual vows and were baptized at Meadowbrook Baptist Church.  We are proud of them for making that important decision.  All of our boys are Christians and are making a valiant effort to walk closer with God (not always easy for teenaged boys)...

Speaking of Spring Break, we had an awesome one!  Along with the Ryan Family (our next door neighbors), we drove to Snowshoe, West Virginia, and took the boys snow skiing (11 boys; 4 adults). We were greeted by 10" of new-fallen snow and cold temperatures.  Truly a winter wonderland.  Most of the boys had never seen "real snow" before so that was a real treat.  As the week progressed, the snow melted and the temps rose but the skiing remained fantastic.  By the end of the week, we were skiing in t-shirts.   All of the boys learned to ski or snowboard and many of them were conquering black diamond slopes at week's end.  Ironically, the main attraction for our boys was the pool.  Snowshoe has a great indoor-outdoor heated pool with hot tubs and saunas.  The boys spent every evening playing in the pool.  Well, I have to admit, there were a few girls that might have had some part in drawing them there...

Alex will become a teenager on May 16th.  While at times it can be frustrating to have to share your mom and dad with others who are hungry for attention, Alex continues to be patient, understanding of our ministry and appreciative of the limited one-on-one time we have with him. Fortunately, he really enjoys school at Westbrook Christian and stays very active in sports. He has made a lot of great friends at school and they often spend the night at the ranch or invite him to stay with them in town.  He just completed basketball season and baseball season is already in full swing. He is playing shortstop/pitcher for the "Yankees" in the Coosa Baseball League and is batting in the 500 range.  A lot of his close friends are on his team, so he is enjoying himself (and they are winning).   They are the favorites to win the league but there is some pretty stiff competition.

Easter weekend was a real blessing.  Although we sorely missed being able to visit with our extended family, Andrew and Haley were able to join us at the Ranch for the weekend.  The boys really enjoy hanging out with both of them.  Andrew plays basketball with them and "slays" them in video games.  We attended an inspiring service at church and the boys got Easter baskets (some for the first time in years).   They actually even agreed to let us take some Easter pictures (without much of a fight).  I think they were proud to show off their new Easter shirts.

A few other activities we have been involved in:  restoring a junked go-kart, rock climbing at Sand Rock, attending a Harlem Globetrotters game, watching Steven and Alex play baseball, swimming in the ranch "swimming hole" (some of us are in the "Polar Bear Club"), going to a youth retreat weekend at Shocco Springs, helping with baseball practice and working to get in shape for next football season. 

Andrew will soon successfully complete his first year at Cumberland Law School. He was very fortunate to obtain a summer clerkship at the "Cochran Firm" in Birmingham.  He will soon find out if criminal law is really his cup of tea.  Haley has decided to spend her summer taking a couple of classes and waiting tables at Landry's in Pensacola.  She wanted to spend one more summer with all her hometown friends (and making some decent money) before she has to get a "real job."  She is burning up her business classes at Auburn (all A's last semester) and is really starting to lean toward accounting as a possible career choice.  She was recently selected for the Golden Key Honorary (top 15% of class). 

Mike has added a new educational/vocational credential-- He obtained his CDL license and now drives the school bus one week out of every 6 weeks (in rotation with other CDL-licensed housedads).  What a hoot that is!  You have to see it and experience it to believe it.  He is thinking about having some cards printed that read "Michael A. Perkins, J.D., CDL".  Kim serves as "bus monitor" when Mike drives.  Talk about testing your patience and mental stability!  Imagine being surrounded by 45 kids of all ages and stages  (some of whom woke up on the wrong side of the bed) in a big tin can for about half an hour each way.  She will very soon be certified as boxing referee, mediator and comedian-- all those skills are finely honed on the bus. 

While there are many challenges involved with raising children from broken homes, it is clear that Big Oak Ranch is truly a God-inspired and blessed place. We continue to be amazed at how the Holy Spirit leads John, the directors, staff and us in the "big picture" and in the day-to-day situations and decisions.  At a recent staff meeting, John Croyle announced that 7 out of our 8 2007 high school graduates will be attending college.  There will also be 3 weddings of girls who grew up at the Girls' Ranch and are coming back to exchange vows and celebrate their weddings with their Ranch families.  Once a child truly accepts Big Oak Ranch as his or her home (not all make that choice), we become their family for life.  It makes us break out in goose bumps (and tears)  when we hear the testimonies of some of the children who have trusted in and grown from the love of God, and the training and love provided by the Ranch familes and staff.  They truly have a new lease on life and, in many cases, have broken multi-generational cycles of addiction, abuse, neglect, illiteracy or whatever "challenges" they brought with them when they came.

We are sorry that our updates aren't was frequent as we intended.  But finding time to sit down and think/writeis more difficult than we imagined.  We have finally made time to take daily "prayer walks" around the Ranch.  This refreshes our bodies and our spirits.  This place is really beautiful and we often have to pause to remind ourselves of just how blessed we are to be able to serve in such an incredible environment. 

Blessings to our families and friends, and to all who have supported us and Big Oak Ranch in your thoughts and prayers.  Email us, visit us, pray for us. 

Mike's email is cphmap@aol.com.  Kim's is kimperky@aol.com.

Mike, Kim, Alex, Andrew, Haley, Patrick, Steven, Nic and Jordan