Victories and Defeats

Raising children is a series of highs and lows. We often tend to briefly celebrate the highs and dwell too long on the lows. John Croyle frequently reminds us that “we are just tools in God’s toolbox.” We don’t make or break children. God calls those shots. Our job is to try to get our children to listen to God’s instruction and his quiet, still voice-- and then to follow it. The rest is up to them. We are just tools….

A Real "High"
Last Wednesday was one of the high points of our time at the ranch. One of our sixteen year old boys (who has been very responsible in his conduct and his financial management) purchased his first car! Mike had the pleasure of accompanying him to the bank (to move money from his savings account to his checking account), to the insurance agency (to secure state-required liability coverage) and to the Big Oak administrative office (to hand over the check and purchase the car from a small car lot we maintain at the ranch office). He left as the very proud new owner of a 2001 Honda Passport in mint condition. Pictures were taken, numerous handshakes and back slaps were dished out. Then, he drove the 20 mile drive back to the boys ranch by himself (with Mike following). The smile on his face was so big, he had trouble seeing the road. When he pulled up in the driveway, out ran Kim and all the other kids to see the new car. He gave Kim a special “mom ride” around the ranch and returned to give rides to his housebrothers. The pride in his eyes was only matched by the envious looks in the faces of the other boys. This is possible because the ranch gives its children who have been safely driving for six months the opportunity to purchase vehicles at a fraction of the actual value. They use their savings from working and allowances to make the purchase. Only a few are actually able to discipline themselves to do this in the minimum time period. Some take all the way to graduation before they save enough money or act responsible enough to earn the privilege of car ownership. Some never make it…
But, this boy is one of the “special ones.” He “gets it.” He told Mike, “A year ago, I never would have thought I would be driving, much less owning my own car. This is one of the two best days of my life.” The other “best day” was when he took his girlfriend to the Christmas dance. Now--- that boy does get it. A new car and a sweet girl. For what more could a teenager ask?


A True "Low"
We have to grasp the “highs” when we can for the mood can change rapidly, and it did the very next morning when we had to tell our newest boy goodbye. He has been at the ranch over a year in another house. He had a history of frequent misconduct and bad influence on other boys. He was moved to our house with a chance for a “fresh start” and a last chance to change his conduct and reform his ways. We even entered into a written contract with him outlining what was expected from him. He had a great first week (at the ranch, we wryly refer to that as the “honeymoon period.”). At the end of his second week, he crossed some minor boundaries and then a major one. The Ranch Director thanked us for giving him a chance but concluded that, obviously, he had not truly committed to making the changes necessary to stay here and his conduct was adversely affecting our other boys. It was very sad for all of us. We love the boy. He is a very sensitive and loving fourteen year old child with a lot of intelligence and potential. It is heartbreaking to “lose” a boy who has so much potential. But, intelligence and potential is meaningless when there is no self-discipline. He will stay with relatives (who are not in a position to closely supervise him) until another option opens up for him. We pray that the “light will come on” for him before he reaches a very painful dead end. It hurts to lose him but we have to remind ourselves, we are just tools…..

Wow- Has it Really Been a Year?

I just looked at our journal and realized it has been almost a year since our last posting. We have sent out a few email updates but it has been hard to find the time to sit down and update our journal. I have now copied those emails and incorporated those as blog entries below.

Even now, time is short. We have doctors' appointments and a basketball game this afternoon and we still haven't put away our Christmas decorations. There is always seems to be something more pressing that has to be done today... .

Our Boys
With one exception, all of our boys have been with us for over a year and a half. Three have been with us over two years. Bryan left the ranch in October and we have just added another boy to our home. He is a 14 year old who has been living at another home on the ranch. He is moving in with us in the hope that some of our older boys will be a positive influence on him. We now have four 14 year olds, three sixteen year olds and a ten year old. Please pray for his successful integration into our family. He accompanied us on a trip to "Mimi's" house last weekend and it went well. Mimi really liked him and felt like he had a good heart and was honest. That's saying a lot. Mike is not sure he passed that test on his first visit to see Kim... .

Christmas
Christmas came quickly and was past before we could catch our breath. Fortunately, this year we had a lot of awesome help. Early in December, "Aunt Sherri" came over and spent a weekend helping Kim decorate the house. It really looked beautiful (she has quite a gift for that) and saved us a lot of work. Just prior to that, Mimi and "Aunt Jill" came to town to sew curtains for the boys' bedrooms. What a Godsend that was. Our Pensacola friend, Hope Susko, had her class at Pace High School make personalized stockings for each of the boys. LeeAnn and Zack Jenkins, Tom and Carol Jenkins and Hubert and Jackie York prepared and delivered packages of stocking stuffers for the boys. Our Christian Families Sunday School Class at First Methodist in Pensacola also provided money for additional stocking stuffers. Hank and Yvonne Nellums bought the American Idol sing-a-long game for our boys and they have about worn that out (and our ears). What a challenge and adventure it was to shop and select gifts for 9 children (our 7 (at the time), plus Andrew and Haley). The kids loved their presents, their stockings and the whole Christmas experience. On Christmas afternoon, the boys left for a week of visiting with family and friends and we headed down to Midland City for Christmas with Kim's family. For several days, we "recuperated." We both felt like we had been hit by a truck. So we slept late, acted incredibly lazy and enjoyed Mimi's cooking. Andrew, Alex and Haley had a great time hanging out with all of their cousins. It is amazing and exciting to see how close they have become. We returned to the Ranch for a few more days of "downtime" before the boys came back on New Year's Day. We were happy to see them and they all seemed excited to be coming "home" and to be able to sleep in their own beds. We all agreed, however, that things were far to frenetic and the holidays went by too fast for us to really be able to feel the true Christmas spirit.

School
As in the past, the end of the Fall semester brought a rush of exams, projects, sporting events, Christmas parties, and a school play. Our daughter, Haley, has been tutoring several boys at the ranch and helped our boys finish the semester with fantastic grades on their finals. Our nephew, Griffin Smith, was volunteering as an intern at the ranch and helped boys meet project deadlines (he and our neighbor, Pat Ryan, worked into the wee hours of the morning helping little Aaron complete a "George Washington-type ferry for Aaron's history project). I don't know how we could have survived without their help. Certainly, the boys benefited. Aaron made a perfect score on his project and four of our boys made "A-B Honor Roll." Praise God for that!

Hunting Trips
Mike and the boys were invited to go on a couple of hunting trips. One was at Dr. and Mrs. Jeffrey Gunnells' camp in West Alabama. Although they didn't shoot any deer, they ate well, got in a lot of target practice and skeet shooting and enjoyed camping out in a pop-up camper that belongs to another houseparent. The entire Gunnells family and many of their friends were involved in providing a first class hunting experience for our boys. The other trip was to Koinonia Plantation in Henry County. This camp, owned by Eric O'Bryan and staffed by members of the Bethel Baptist Church Brotherhood, is dedicated to Christian Ministry to children and other hunters. Our boys had a great time (Thanks to Johnny Sorenson for inviting us) and Mike got to share his testimony and the "ranch story" the next morning at the Brotherhood Breakfast. This was Alex's first hunting trip and he shot a doe right on target at 150 yards. Jordan shot his first buck and was real excited about that. It was a lot of fun for all-- except Alex wasn't too crazy about the "blooding" ritual....

Test of Faith
2008 was a difficult year with Kim's father's passing, the departure of Bryan, and our house and investment properties being unoccupied and draining all our savings. At the same time, we were blessed to have Haley move in with us, Andrew visiting regularly, hanging out with Griffin before he went on a mission trip to Peru, and the love and support of many friends and family members. To be honest, we feel like our faith is being tested and we sometimes wonder why God would make things so difficult when we are working within what we believe to be His will for us. I can tell you that these experiences and these tough times have helped us to refocus our priorities, to live a lot leaner and to be even more grateful for the blessings that we have been able to enjoy. We don't know what the future will hold but we remain faithful that He will sustain us if this is truly His will for our lives.

Please Pray for Us and Stay in Touch
Your prayers, cards, emails and visits are fuel for our engines. They help give us the stamina and determination to carry on when we are emotionally and physically drained and when we feel like we can't go on. It seems like every time we feel like we are about to hit a wall, someone calls or writes or visits and pumps us up again. Or, one of our boys will do something fantastic in school or home and "fill our tank." We love you and appreciate your friendship and encouragement. We hope to hear from you or see you in the near future. We especially love visitors and the boys alway enjoy meeting our friends. So, come see us soon!

God Bless and Best Wishes for a Happy and Prosperous 2009. Mike and Kim

It Takes Heart

It Takes Heart

We knew he had a good heart when he came here. We could tell from the way he treated his nine year old brother. It was obvious he had been the primary babysitter/caretaker for his sister and two younger brothers ­while his single father worked all day trying to make ends meet.

A lot of responsibility for a fifteen year old. He really didn’t have much of a chance to be a kid. Heart he had-- but he was lacking in so many other ways. His eyesight was terrible and he had no glasses. He had a mouthful of cavities and his breath would make a train take a dirt road. His teeth were crooked and his clothing was shabby. He was twenty pounds overweight and out of shape. Everything he owned came in a battered suitcase, except for his prized possession, an outdated “X-Box” video game console he proudly tucked under his arm. His school performance was spotty, standardized testing scores low. He was a grade level behind his peers.

His self-confidence was so poor he could barely look you in the eye. When I took him to school to introduce him to the staff and teachers, he looked away when they greeted him. “I don’t like meeting people,” he told me. Nonetheless, he was very pleasant and friendly once he warmed up to you.

His hobbies? Video games and basketball. “Have you ever played on a team?” I asked him. “No,” he replied. His father and siblings had moved around too much, they had changed schools frequently and his basketball experience consisted primarily of shooting baskets at the “Boys and Girls Club” after-school program. He had a pretty good three point shot. It was really his only skill when it came to basketball. He could shoot from the outside corner (when unguarded) and swish the net some of the time. He couldn’t dribble very well, had no inside game and was pretty slow. Defense? What’s that? He was one of the last picks in the pickup games around the ranch.

He tried out for the school basketball team shortly after he got here last August. It was a late tryout for newcomers who missed the Spring tryouts. He didn’t do too well and was promptly cut from the team. We tried to console him, “You just got here; pretty tough to make it when the coaches don’t know you and have already put their teams together.” He took it pretty well. He’s actually a pretty upbeat fellow. “I’ll work on getting better and try out again next year,” he said.

And work he did. Every day, before school, at school, after school and late into the evenings, he shot basketball. It became his passion. His three point shot became more consistent but he was still lacking in so many ways. As he developed self-confidence and was able to express his genuine friendliness to others, the coach took notice and asked him to serve as manager on the Junior High team. He watched the other boys play and cheered them on. He got excited for them and encouraged them. The other boys appreciated it and reciprocated by working with him on his dribble, on his inside game and on fundamentals of defense. He got better. He started getting picked a little earlier in the local pickup games.
Almost a year passed and ­tryouts approached. He thought he had a decent chance of making the Junior High team. Bad news came. Because of his age (16), he can only be considered for the high school varsity or JV teams. New coach, tough competition. Things looked pretty grim. The tryouts would be loaded with returning players. He worried about whether he could make the team. He worried-- a lot. But, he kept working.
Tryouts dragged out over three days. Then, the roster was posted. A fellow ranch resident looked at the list in the gym and told him that he didn’t make the team. He said he was disappointed but determined to try again next year. A minute later, one of his housebrothers came out and told him he made the team. He knew he was being teased. “Shut up, I already know I didn’t make it,” he retorted. “No, I’m not kidding,” his housebrother insisted. So, he mustered up the courage to go in and look for himself. He scrutinized the 11 names on the list. Sure enough, his name was right in the middle. The other kid had been looking for his nickname, not his given name. He was mistaken! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! He could hardly contain himself. He made the team! His housebrothers and teammates were as excited for him as they were for themselves.
At the first summer workout, he wore a smile so big he almost tripped over it. He had set a goal and accomplished it. He was part of the team. “I don’t care if I get to play much,” he said, “just as long as I am on the team.” He still works out every day. He’ll continue to get better. He’ll get to play.
His teeth are straight and clean now. He just got contact lens for basketball—“Now, I can see passes.” He’s twenty pounds lighter and much quicker. His grades are decent and getting better. He’s become very popular with the other students and teachers at school. Not because of basketball but because of his heart, his genuine friendliness and his enthusiasm about most things in life. He is grateful for having been given a chance. And he is taking advantage of every opportunity he is given. This one is going to be just fine…
August ’08 Postscript: A couple of weeks ago, he took his driver’s test and passed it on the first try. Last week, he attended a basketball camp (THANKS COACH DON HOGAN!) at University of West Florida and was selected as “Most Improved Player.” He exclaimed, “This is my best summer ever—I made the basketball team, I had my first birthday party (16th), got my drivers’ license and got to go to basketball camp at a college!
December ’08 Postscript: He asked one of the prettiest girls in his church youth group to attend the school Christmas dance with him. He blushed with pride as he put the corsage bracelet on her arm. Afterwards, he said it was the “best night of my life.” We just got his semester grades in and he made the “A-B Honor Roll” for the first time. He was selected by John Croyle to represent the older boys and tell his story at meetings with some of the ranch’s principal financial supporters. In January, he will purchase his first car with monies he earned over the summer and as manager for the football team. Not bad, eh?” Not bad, buddy. Not bad at all.

A Higher Calling? By Kim

A HIGHER CALLING? By Kim

Since becoming a Housemom at Big Oak Ranch, I have taken on many roles. I am a Mom, mentor, teacher, cook, laundry lady, chauffeur, cheerleader, disciplinarian, referee, hygiene expert-- and the list could go on. However, today, I realized that one unavoidable role seems to grab me, turn me upside down and spit me out. And, I don’t remember it being in the job description. It is a role of the highest order-- the role of sock sorter. Each week, I wash, dry, and sort somewhere between 200-250 socks, almost all of them white (at least they used to be white).

Gathering
Of course, before I tackle the daunting task of sorting white socks for 10 people, I have already dealt with all of those socks in several capacities. The first step is the “gathering of the socks.” Two to three times a week, I will have a load of whites to be bleached which includes all of the dirty, or should I say, DIRTY, or, better yet, VERY DIRTY socks. Ideally, most of these nasty little things should be tucked safely into each boy’s own dirty clothes basket in the laundry room. However, I usually find a pair or two in the den peeking out from underneath the couch, and a pair or two on bedroom or bathroom floors and another pair or two outside of the back door that were dropped there because they were:
A) soaking wet from playing in a puddle or the rain
B) Full of hay or grass from playing in the field
C) Covered in hay or poop from the hog pen
D) I threw them out there because they smelled so bad that they were stinking up the
ENTIRE HOUSE!

One of my rules as “Head Laundry Lady in Charge” is that the socks must not only be in their dirty clothes basket, but, also, already be right-side-out so that I do not have to put MY HAND into their STINKING SOCKS. Many of the boys are beginning to get this down pat. Particularly now, since I have begun attaching a bill to their laundry basket for an allowance deduction if I have to put MY HAND into their STINKING SOCKS.

Actually, as of a couple of weeks ago, we have placed a special “sock pail” in the laundry room that is primed and ready for those STINKING SOCKS. It is full of soapy, deodorized water. Mike suggested this after I threatened to turn in my resignation as Head Laundry Lady in Charge. This was implemented because when you walked into our back door, the odor of those STINKING SOCKS was, at times, overwhelming. So, now, the new rule: All STINKING SOCKS are to be brought downstairs, right-side-out and placed in our new sock pail. This wonderful plan has been a great success. The laundry room no longer smells like the football locker room at school. The only problem now is that the pail is heavy (as well as filthy) and carrying it with a broken toe proves difficult. Another problem has been that this pail sits next to the garbage can and, well, it’s a long story that involves spilled, swept up grated cheese that was accidentally put into the wrong pail—but that story is for another day.


Washing
So, now on to step two, the “washing of the socks”. The other problem that I have found with my new sock pail is that now I have to gather them up out of the badly polluted water to put them into the machine. The first day, I just poured the entire contents of the bucket into the machine, but I determined that trying to wash them with that much dirty water probably wasn’t going to get them as clean as I wanted and I ran the risk of an EPA citation—so now I just fish them out, plop them into the machine, run and wash my hands with anti-bacterial soap, dump the dirty water outside, come back in and start the “washing” phase. Easy enough!

Drying
Then, of course, is the simple next step, the “drying of the socks”. This comes after one, sometimes two and, rarely, but it has happened, three complete washing cycles. I just open up the washer, grab them out by the handfuls and toss them into the dryer. This very easy phase gives me a little break before the next big phase—the ‘SORTING OF THE SOCKS”.

Sorting
As I said, there are ten of us living here, most of whom have extracurricular activities that require other socks, so two to three times a week this phase starts out with a basket full of 100-120 various socks. Now, if it has been a particularly busy week for me and the basket ends up having two loads of freshly washed socks, we are talking 200+ individual socks to be paired up and distributed to the “clean shelf” in each boy’s cubby.

Have you ever thought about how much a person’s socks can tell you about that person?
For example, today as I was sorting and folding I thought about each of the boys who had worn them and how much their socks were indicative of that particular boy’s personality. One boy ended up with 5 pairs and 5 unmatched socks. He’s a little unorganized and scatter-brained. One boy had all of his matching and they were in good shape. One boy (actually two of them) had stained socks that were worn out on the bottom (even some holes) because they wear them outside without their shoes all the time. Yes, of course, I have told them not to do that, but, guess what? They are teenagers and they do it anyway.

Last week, we had one boy tell his grandmother that he was soaking his feet because I make them do that when their feet begin to smell (sometimes it is so bad that the room empties when they enter). He told her the reason his feet stank was because he had been wearing the same socks for several days. She asked “Why?” and he told her he didn’t have any clean socks because his house brothers take all of his clean socks out of his cubby and wear them. (Now, he is one of those who has the stained, holey ones--so if they were really taking socks, I think they would take from someone who keeps his socks in better shape.) Anyway, the next day, I was in his room and discovered under HIS bed, 6 pair—yes, 12 total—dirty socks. Then, I found 5 pair folded up and put in the wrong drawers (they put up their clean laundry, not me) and then a 12th and final pair in his suitcase, dirty. What does that tell you about this boy?
(I love him anyway). I made him call his grandmother and explain what REALLY happened with his socks so she wouldn’t think he was being mistreated.

Well, the basket is full and the sorting begins. Ten different piles are started according to the initial written on the toe or the style of the sock. Actually, there is an eleventh pile—the ones that have no initial or the wrong initials (someone from another house was hanging out here). And so it goes. The piles. Matching them within the individual piles. Folding. And putting the right ones on the right “clean” shelf.

The Higher Calling
So God, is this it? Is this my “higher calling”?

I guess I always thought His call on my life might be something more than “sock sorter.” And, maybe it is. Because, in addition to the thankless task of providing clean, matching, fresh-smelling socks for the athlete, the “romeo” and the “cool dude,” I know that my boys have a Mom that they can always depend on (sometimes for the first time in their lives) to provide clean socks, bake a birthday cake, nurse a fever, bandage a cut, or
to give a warm hug (just because).

A “higher calling,” yes, I believe there is such a thing.

It is the “calling” of “Mom, I’m home, where are you?” by one of ten different children, three of whom I birthed and have raised since they were born, and seven of whom God has placed under my care, to be their “Mom”, stinky socks and all!

Kim Perkins
March 17, 2008

Winter, Part 2

The Beard

Last summer, Mike decided to “let it all hang out” and let his beard grow.  Sort of a Fu Manchu/Van Dyke/hockey guy look but very salt and pepper looking.  Most of our boys came to our home after Mike grew the beard.  In mid-January, Mike got overzealous with his beard trimming and cut a big gap in it.  Caught up in the momentum, he decided to shave it all off-- beard, mustache, everything.  After all, he had been clean-shaven for over 25 years.  No big deal, right?  Kim did not like the clean look at all and told him it made his face look fatter.  Alex made fun of him for having a double-chin.  The boys really freaked out and told him they didn’t recognize him. “Who IS this guy?”  Funny, Mike has gone almost his entire life without a beard but the boys only knew him with a beard.  It became very clear to us how much they have enjoyed the familiarity and predictability of the past several months and how unsettling it is even when minor change occurs in our new family.  Oh yes, the beard is now back.  This time fuller and grayer than before.  For the boys, “Pop” is “back to normal.”

 

Baseball

Baseball practices are in full swing and games start next week.  Steven will be playing Varsity (as a pinch runner) and Varsity B.   Alex and Deundrea will be playing Junior High ball.  Looks like Alex will play short, second and pitcher, while Deundrea and Steven will play outfield.  Did I mention how fast those two are???  Both could be running track but chose baseball instead.  While they are not great hitters, if they get on base, they are virtually unstoppable.  For Alex, this year is his first year playing “school ball.”  Gone are the great days at Bill Bond Park in Pensacola and Coosa League in Gadsden.  The baselines are expanded from 60 and 70 feet to 90 feet.  The back edge of the infield is a long way back.  Base hits will not come easy. Homeruns are out of the question (at least until he gets a lot stronger).  A major transition!  We’ll miss the excitement and camaraderie of little league but like the idea of his practicing and playing games right after school at the school field (logistics are a major challenge these days).  And, we do have great school spirit at Westbrook. 

 

Alex, Andrew and Haley

Alex really loves life at the Ranch and at Westbrook.  He is able to cross the invisible class line (their making) and fits in well with the “ranch kids” (their term) and with the “rich kids” (“ranch kids’” term) at school.  He is a true leader (he’s broken up more than a couple of arguments and fights) and continues to make straight “A’s” on his report card.  He loves to play pick-up basketball in our driveway, at school and at the ranch gym whenever he has a spare moment.  Basketball is a great “social-leveler.”  It doesn’t hurt that he’s good at it.   He will most likely end up playing high school basketball next year (he’ll be in 8th grade—hope he grows a lot before then).   Alex is a committed Christian and he shares his faith daily through his example.

 

Andrew and Haley continue to do well in school.  Haley just learned she “made the cut” and was one of 25 students (from a couple of hundred applicants) accepted into the education major program at Auburn.  Andrew is on the downhill side of his second year of law school at Cumberland in Birmingham.  He is actively looking for lucrative (my term) summer employment in Birmingham or Pensacola.  They both come to the ranch when they have “off weekends” and enjoy being with the boys.  The boys love them and get very excited when they announce their plans to visit.  Most of them call Haley “their sister.” 

 

David Woods, Rick Davis and Big Time Politics

Many of you know Mike’s childhood friend, David Woods.  David’s dad, Charles, was a great inspiration to Mike in his formative years.  Mike worked his first political campaign in the 6th grade hanging “Charles Woods for Lt. Governor” signs.  Still think he should have won.  David has decided to run for Congress for the 2nd District of Alabama (Dothan to Prattville).  We think he will win.  David has been an outstanding family, church and business leader.  David, Donna and their kids, David, Drew and Dana are like family to us.  David has helped inspire Mike in his spiritual journey and theyregularly encourage each other in their Christian walk.  We are proud of David and know that he will be an outstanding Congressman. He will bring Christian character and sound business judgment to a government that badly needs both. 

 

Rick Davis was a fraternity brother at Alabama and “running buddy” when Mike lived in Washington.  If you haven’t heard the “Hey butt head” story, ask Mike or Rick (It had to do with Mike calling Rick when he moved to D.C., Rick’s dad answering the phone sounding a lot like Rick, Mike’s warm greeting to him, and the embarrassment that followed.).  Rick is THE national campaign manager for John McCain.  Despite anything you may have may have read or heard in the media, Rick is a consummate professional, a dedicated conservative Republican and a winner.  McCain has to be a smart guy to have picked Rick as his closest advisor.  If McCain wins, Rick deserves (and will get) great credit.  He has hung with McCain since the late 90’s and has remained loyal through many trials and tribulations in two presidential campaigns. He and Karen have been great friends to us over the years and we wish him the very best.   Who knows, maybe the boys can get to go visit the White House!

 

Winding Up

I know this has been a long entry but there’s a lot to tell (and so much more…).  Very rarely do we have the luxury of getting to sit down, reflect and write (this entry was written in installments, mostly this Monday morning after the kids got on the bus).  When we do, it is usually for “contact sheet” behavioral reports on the boys.  But, since so many of you are a part of ourministry, we do want to continue to share some of the happenings and some of the emotions that we experience at our home and Big Oak Ranch. 

 

Many of you have encouraged us to keep sharing with you and have continuously lifted us up in your thoughts and prayers.  We appreciate you!  We are pretty isolated/consumed in our life here and you cannot imagine how much we enjoy hearing from you.  Keep the emails and letters coming! 

 

The prayers and encouragement of our friends and family, along with the unwavering truth of God’s Word, give us the strength and desire to keep going each day.  Thanks! 

 

Mike, Kim, Alex, Andrew, Haley, Steven, Nic, Steven, Bryan, Jordan, Deundrea, Aaron

 

Winter '08

Christmas Chaos, Hog Poop, Broken Toes, Beards, Baseball, Kids, Politics and More

 

Christmas

Christmas came and went like a blur.  The weeks leading up to Christmas and Christmas Day itself were absolutely crazy.  We had basketball games, one term paper, 2 science fair projects, 3 doing Presidential Election Scrapbooks, meetings, parties, and home inspections, not to mention several full days of shopping for 10 kids, a spouse, teachers, and extended family.  I think we went to bed about 3:00 a.m. on Christmas Eve (Kim likes to set out all the presents as if they were a window display at Macy’s) and got up at 6:00.  Check out the picture of all the kids huddled at the top of the stairs begging “Can we please come down now?”  Priceless!

For most of our kids, it was the “Best Christmas ever.”  As for us, the reality of “it’s not about us” hit us like a brick. Christmas is just a lot different for us than it used to be.  The intimacy and peacefulness of our small family gathering is gone and replaced by, well, to put in bluntly--- Chaos.  I guess this is what it was like for the Brady Bunch.  We have carried over some of our old traditions.  Some will just have to wait until our work here is finished.  But, seeing the joy on the boys’ faces as they opened their presents made it all worthwhile. Many have never had a “normal” Christmas and this is about as close as they will get. Around noon on Christmas Day, the kids went on “family visits” (visits with relatives or “resource families”) for a week and we headed to Midland City for “second Christmas” with Kim’s family.  We were physicallyand emotionally exhausted.  I am sure we were a lot of fun for the rest of the family.  It took several days to recover from the sleep deprivation and the demands and intensity of the schedule of the previous weeks.  Then, on to Pensacola for visits with friends.  Thanks again to Dale and Sheila Moore for turning their home over to us (and to Brenda Glasser for putting Dale, Sheila and Chandler up at her beach condo), to Jerry Mistretta, our Sunday School friends and Louis and Patti McMilion for their “million dollar meals.”    

 

We came back refreshed and ready to tackle the new semester at school.  The boys are in full swing with school, sports and other activities.  Alex, Steven and Deundrea finished strong in basketball and went straight to baseball (practicing the very day after basketball season ended). Nic is preparing for a horse show/rodeo in the Spring.   “Bubba” is working out daily in the hopes of making the basketball team next year.  Nights are packed with ballgames, homework and chores.  It seems like as soon as our heads hit the pillow, it’s time to get up and go again.  If you have read our “typical day” schedule, you know this to be true. 

 

Hog Poop

This month, our family has been assigned the “hog pen” for our family ranch duty.  That means we have to clean the hog pen and feed the twelve hogs every day.  It is amazing how much poop twelve hogs can produce in one day!  About a (big) wheelbarrow load.  And, if you have ever smelled hog poop, you will understand just how miserable this chore is.  No lawyer jokes, please!  The stench is unbearable for the first 30 minutes, then you sort of get used to it.  However, it follows you home in your clothes and shoes.  Then the whole house carries an aroma….   

 

Kim just started a load of clothes that has a combination of hog poop and mud, along with some wet, sour ones from a boy who “accidentally” fell in a pool this weekend at a birthday party. 

 

For the first few days, our entire group (minus Kim) went to the hog pen and scraped out all the waste.  It was quite amusing to watch Alex shoveling hog poop into the wheelbarrow.  He was so worried about getting some on his hands.  Most of the time his hands were covering his nose…  Fortunately for most, we have a few boys who tend to get in trouble at school and home on a regular basis.  So, as their “reward”, they take over the hog pen duties from those who are behaving as they should.  I guess having a few misfits is not such a bad thing!   In fact, some of our guys are so wired for mischief, we now have a full month’s hog duty roster all lined up. 

 

Hog Shots

In addition to the maintenance issues, we are also responsible for anything else related to the hogs.  The ranch was given a couple ofsmall boars.  The first day they were in the pen, the older, larger sows beat them up pretty badly.  We finally had to separate them.  One of the boars was pretty badly beat up.  His eyes were swollen shut and he had wounds all over.  He was barely eating and became very frail and lethargic.  Mike found him one morning partially buried in the hay with his “brother boar” laying next to him licking his wounds and nudging him to get up.   When Mike approached him, brother boar tried to protect him by grunting at Mike and acting as if he were going to bite him.  The vet was summoned and he prescribed daily antibiotic shots and eye ointment.  

Guess who got to give the daily shots and rub the ointment in his eyes?  Dr. Mike, of course…   No lawyer jokes, please!  So, for about ten days, Mike and one of the boys would go to the hog pen to give the sick boar his shot and ointment.  The boy would ward off brother boar while Mike would give the sick guy his shot and make an attempt to rub the ointment in his eyes.  Amazing how loudly a sick hog can squeal when a 3 inch needle is jammed into his hind quarter!  The first day, Mike and one of the boys held the boar while Mike gave the shot.  The hog squirmed free and the needle broke off in his hind quarter just as the medication went in.  Fortunately, Mike was able to chase the hog down and retrieve it.  The next day, Mike and one of the more swarthy housedads did the job.  It was quite a comical scene as the hog squirmed and squealed.  Brother boar gave the other housedad a nip on the ankle just to let him know he didn’t appreciate our messing with his bud.  Finally, Mike learned that holding the hog partially in the air by his hind leg puts him into sort of a trance and the shot is easily administered without squirming and squealing!  A simple one man job—as long as someone else warded off “brother boar.”   After a few days, the sick boar seemed to be doing better.  Then, the weather turned real cold and one Saturday afternoon, one of the boys checked on him and reported to us that the sick boar was dead.  Mike found him buried under the hay with his brother boar guarding his body.  Mike had the grim task of removing the body.   No lawyer jokes, please!

 

Boys and Hogs

It’s a gross analogy but our boys are kind of like those hogs (and I’m not referring to their eating habits or smell—though I could).   Some are strong, some are weak.  Some get picked on by the bigger, stronger ones.  Some can take it, some can’t.  They need our help and we try our best to provide it.   Sometimes they let us, sometimes they fight us.  They know they need what we offer but they often resist out of instinct. When the chips are down, they do take care of each other and nudge each other along.  It’s their survival instinct that has been finally honed over the years before they got here.  Though they are of different ages, races and backgrounds, there is a sense of brotherhood that comes from their histories, social status and being “brothers” at the ranch.  They jokingly refer to each other as “ranch kid.” 

 

In the end, some make it, some don’t.  Last week, a boy from another home was discharged from the ranch.  He had a vibrant spirit, good intelligence and great potential.  He was a cross between the Mel Gibson (in one of his manic roles) and Robin Williams.  But he was like a horse that couldn’t be broken (keeping with the ranch analogies).  No matter what our staff did for him at the ranch and at school, he bucked and bucked and bucked.  Pink slip after pink slip at school, continuous trouble at his home and then, the final straw, he began to drag his more innocent housebrothers into his misdeeds and his house was cast into chaos.  So much wit and energy—if only it could be channeled in the right direction.  Finally, he wore out his handlers.  Some boys are so far along on the wrong path that our best efforts are just not enough to turn them.  Sometimes we have to let one boy go in order to save several others and to give a chance to another boy who needs that bed.   That is one of the most painful parts of this job.  But, it was the right thing to do.  We pray that God will help him find a place and enough self-discipline to make it.

 

Kim’s Poor Toe

To add to the challenge of daily life, Kim is now sporting a broken “pinkie toe.”  She accidentally kicked the very hard edge of a coffee table in our den.  She likes to tell people she was trying to kick one of our more mischievousboys in the behind but that is not true.  They were all at school.  X-rays show it is a clean total break at the base of the toe.  There is not much you can do for a broken toe except to put your foot up and allow it to recover.  That is basically impossible to do here.   So, she limped around on crutches for a couple of days, doing laundry, cooking meals, cleaning up and eagerly anticipating the weekend.  We were supposed to be off for the weekend but our “relief family” (volunteer couples who come and stay with the boys for the weekend) caught the flu at the last minute and we were not able to timely draft a replacement.  So, Mike sent Kim to the “Retreat Home” for the weekend while he hosted a “boys’ weekend.”  They played basketball, video games and went bowling.  They ate out far more than they should have.  Mike somehow managed to retain his sanity.  On Sunday evening, Kim returned home rested but still having difficulty walking.  The boys have really supported her by assisting her, offering prayers for her, helping with meals and frequently asking her how she is doing.  Despite a fun boys weekend, they really missed having her around.  They kept asking “when is Mom coming back?”  They think Kim is “cool” (and Mike is “old”- though he can still whip most of them in basketball) and they really like having a “Mom.”  As we have mentioned before, about half our boys have grown up without a mothers’ presence in their lives—something most of us cannot fathom.  Thank God for grandparents and other relatives who have pitched in to try to fill an unfillable void.   And, thank God for John Croyle’s vision and commitment to building and running Big Oak Ranch.  We’ll really be off this next weekend and, hopefully, Kim’s toe can continue to mend.  And we need some “quiet time” together without someone screaming “Mom” or “Pop” every few minutes. 

 

 CONTINUED ON NEXT ENTRY, WINTER PART 2