Victories and Defeats

Raising children is a series of highs and lows. We often tend to briefly celebrate the highs and dwell too long on the lows. John Croyle frequently reminds us that “we are just tools in God’s toolbox.” We don’t make or break children. God calls those shots. Our job is to try to get our children to listen to God’s instruction and his quiet, still voice-- and then to follow it. The rest is up to them. We are just tools….

A Real "High"
Last Wednesday was one of the high points of our time at the ranch. One of our sixteen year old boys (who has been very responsible in his conduct and his financial management) purchased his first car! Mike had the pleasure of accompanying him to the bank (to move money from his savings account to his checking account), to the insurance agency (to secure state-required liability coverage) and to the Big Oak administrative office (to hand over the check and purchase the car from a small car lot we maintain at the ranch office). He left as the very proud new owner of a 2001 Honda Passport in mint condition. Pictures were taken, numerous handshakes and back slaps were dished out. Then, he drove the 20 mile drive back to the boys ranch by himself (with Mike following). The smile on his face was so big, he had trouble seeing the road. When he pulled up in the driveway, out ran Kim and all the other kids to see the new car. He gave Kim a special “mom ride” around the ranch and returned to give rides to his housebrothers. The pride in his eyes was only matched by the envious looks in the faces of the other boys. This is possible because the ranch gives its children who have been safely driving for six months the opportunity to purchase vehicles at a fraction of the actual value. They use their savings from working and allowances to make the purchase. Only a few are actually able to discipline themselves to do this in the minimum time period. Some take all the way to graduation before they save enough money or act responsible enough to earn the privilege of car ownership. Some never make it…
But, this boy is one of the “special ones.” He “gets it.” He told Mike, “A year ago, I never would have thought I would be driving, much less owning my own car. This is one of the two best days of my life.” The other “best day” was when he took his girlfriend to the Christmas dance. Now--- that boy does get it. A new car and a sweet girl. For what more could a teenager ask?


A True "Low"
We have to grasp the “highs” when we can for the mood can change rapidly, and it did the very next morning when we had to tell our newest boy goodbye. He has been at the ranch over a year in another house. He had a history of frequent misconduct and bad influence on other boys. He was moved to our house with a chance for a “fresh start” and a last chance to change his conduct and reform his ways. We even entered into a written contract with him outlining what was expected from him. He had a great first week (at the ranch, we wryly refer to that as the “honeymoon period.”). At the end of his second week, he crossed some minor boundaries and then a major one. The Ranch Director thanked us for giving him a chance but concluded that, obviously, he had not truly committed to making the changes necessary to stay here and his conduct was adversely affecting our other boys. It was very sad for all of us. We love the boy. He is a very sensitive and loving fourteen year old child with a lot of intelligence and potential. It is heartbreaking to “lose” a boy who has so much potential. But, intelligence and potential is meaningless when there is no self-discipline. He will stay with relatives (who are not in a position to closely supervise him) until another option opens up for him. We pray that the “light will come on” for him before he reaches a very painful dead end. It hurts to lose him but we have to remind ourselves, we are just tools…..